Top Ten Wackest Rap Lyrics Ever
The philosophical concept of yin and yang is based on the idea that completely opposite forces are still interconnected. In the hip-hop world, these contradictory counterparts are the chosen value judgements of rap fans worldwide: dopeness and wackness.
While one stands for greatness, the other not so much, both are thought of in black-and-white terms by hip-hop’s highly opinionated (and self-annointed) experts. However, even the best emcees are prone to moments of wackness, and your favorite song might have a two-bar blemish giving listeners an “ugh” face, and not in the Master P or Thizz Nation kind of way, no, more like one when you hear any Ja Rule and Ashanti collaboration.
Here are the Top Ten Wackest Rap Lyrics Ever. There are plenty of terrible offerings from unknowns, but why empty a gat to shoot small fry in a barrel? We’ll save our clips for bigger fish. Plus, choosing otherwise dope rappers and songs only heightens the wackness apparent.
Get 'Em Girls
“F**k a Sizzler steak; my steaks, they sizzle
Ate, boom boom, my ace boon coon
Shake, bake, skate, vroom vroom (We gettin money n***a)
7 to 8, zoom zoom, boom boom tune
Fore I get like that boom boom room (I’m gettin money n***a)
Wrecks ‘n Effects: ‘Zoom zoom’ in poon-poon
Since the movie Cocoon, had my Uzi platoon”
Oftentimes rap critics like to describe out-there emcees as “colorful.” As such, Killa Cam drops a multi-techni-color rainbow explosion bomb on “Get ‘Em Girls,” one that goes kaboom, which is a word he somehow forgot to include, though he does say “boom” four times, so that probably counts four times over. He also references geriatric snorer Cocoon, a film about people old enough to pee themselves and so furthers the urine infatuation plainly shown in Cam’s own movie, Killa Season (skip to 3:30).
“I’m a venereal disease, like a menstrual bleed”
“A Milli” is one of the last great rapping-rap songs to take over pop radio, with Weezy F. destroying a free-flowing, hook-less song spit over a bizarre but banging beat. In the midst of his lyrical tour-de-force comes this head-scratcher, proving Wayne’s ignorance regarding the fairer sex’s monthly cycle and a disturbing misunderstanding of what an STD is. No dude, it’s not supposed to burn when you pee.
Deja Vu (Uptown Baby)
“N****s in the Bronx call me Lex cause I push a Lex, and I rock a Rolex and I lounge on Lex’, and I love sex”
Wyclef may have pronounced this the national anthem of the world in the song’s intro, but the Bronx classic “Deja Vu” has one specific fit of wackness able to bring shame to a small third-world dictatorship, let alone an entire planet. Peter Gunz was not the most adept lyricist to begin with, but this line in particular is his biggest stumble, especially given it’s on by far his biggest hit. Rappers rhyming the same words but with different meanings is nothing new, but none have done it less dexterously or with so little cleverness.
“Scooby snack Jurassic plastic gas booby trap”
Ghostface is one of the best rappers of all-time for his unusual descriptions, breathless urgency, and off-kilter character, but with those ingredients for success, it’s not surprising he’s had some flat-on-his-face failures. This line off the otherwise excellent Supreme Clientele makes absolutely no sense. We have no idea what he’s talking about. He probably doesn’t either.
Good Googly Moogly
“Good googly moogly, that thang is juicy”
Three 6 Mafia’s honorary member Project Pat is not to be messed with — the guy made “Red Rum” for goodness sake. Still, he seriously undermined his street cred with 2006’s “Good Googly Moogly” in his use of most un-gangsta phrasing. Even worse, it wasn’t just on some throwaway mixtape; “Good Googly Moogly” was a heavily-pushed lead single on his last major label effort and the video has nearly one million YouTube views. Worse yet, the song’s wackest moment is the chorus, repeatedly chanted throughout the song.
“My paragraph alone is worth five mics (uh-huh) A twelve song LP, that’s thirty-six mics (uh-huh)”
Since Notorious B.I.G. proudly boasted “considered a fool ‘cuz I dropped out of high school” on “Juicy,” many a rapper has followed suit in championing their lack of formal education. Reggie Noble does so unintentionally with an example of piss-poor math on “5 Boroughs,” shorting himself 14 mics and proving numbers aren’t his thing. That may explain his less-than awe-inspiring digs on his MTV Cribs turn.
“Plus I’m gettin’ brain from this chick like whoa! Finger near a n***a a*****e like whoa!”
Realness is an esteemed value in hip-hop. Authenticity is a must for a genre that prides itself on being “the CNN of the streets,” the music talking about what others refuse to pay attention to. Black Rob gets a little too real on mash-out anthem “Whoa!”, with almost-in depth reporting that won’t win him any marks for high-quality journalism.
My Homeboy's Chevy
“My Blackberry cell phone confuses me, I got women talking ‘bout Nicky you using me”
More unnecessary honesty. Andre Nickatina proves his status as a Bay Area rap OG, emphasis on the “O” part, by admitting that he has no idea how to work his smart phone. Surely he mourns for the days of pagers and pay phones, when times were simpler and scorned groupies couldn’t get at him through the many avenues of communication smart phones offer, like text messaging and voice messaging. Or if he has apps for Skype, Facebook, or Twitter, those too. We wouldn’t count on that though, seeing as how Dre Dogg still has a landline and a Sega Genesis. Nicky fears change.
Superthug (What What)
“All our whips got navigation while your whips is just garbation.”
N.O.R.E. isn’t exactly Nas, but like O.D.B. before him makes up for his lack of lyrical precision with personality. Still, this one-liner from his biggest hit (and The Neptunes first) is so wildly off-point that it stands out as an example of poor craftsmanship in a song whose chorus is just a repeated chant of “what” — probably still reeling from the creation of the word “garbation,” which may be a noun, adjective, or adverb, it’s unclear really. Additionally, having GPS in your car is no longer the status symbol it was, seeing as how the golf carts at my local public course have it.
Nuthin But a G Thang
“Never let me slip, cause if I slip, then I’m slippin.”
You have seen nine other examples of wack rapping, all by prominent musicians and many on important songs in hip-hop history. However, no other moment in rap fails in a more pivotal moment in the genre’s existence than this wack-tastic Dr. Dre afterthought. “Nuthin’ But A G Thang” was the song that brought g-funk and West Coast gangsta rap to the masses and would become one of the genre’s biggest hits, one still heard today on 90s radio, at middle school dances, and blasting out of 6-4’s mobbing down Crenshaw. All people everywhere, of all nations, colors, and creeds, collectively cringe at Dre’s major slip-up (pun intended), one only magnified by the immortal greatness surrounding it.